Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day 32: Resilience

Okay, So today's been so much up and down...

R decided to be a jerk. Again. Big surprise there, right? He's been making all these promises to let me see Boogie, (which, by the way, he broke his promise Sunday, so I didn't get to see the boys) and pretty much earn my right to see him overnight again; but it's like no matter how hard I try, it's still not enough. I've got two different jobs lining up, I'm in counseling, I'm at the shelter now and I'm still working out etc, so I've got the outlets for days like this where he decides to just... frustrate me all to hell. I'm getting better. Yet, for some reason, I still can't see Boogie. R continues to choose to believe that I'm only lying to him and "playing games" when he is the one constantly changing the rules and using my own son against me. I don't know what else to do.

I just feel so helpless in all of this. I'm doing what I can, and I've got several game plans in place that all depend solely on him and how he reacts; but I still wish I just had some kind of guarantee that things were going to be better. I know, I know. I just have to hold on and be strong, but would it be so much to ask for a little help now and then?

So, again for today, R gets a special little song all to himself.
Thank you, Godsmack.


On another note. One of my ups was getting THESE:

Had a total fat kid moment over those. I know I shouldn't have, but there are some times (like any time I speak with fraggin Jerk face) that only something "deep fried and smothered in chocolate" will suffice. And the Raspberry coffee wasn't bad either. A little bitter, but not bad.

Monkey stopped by work today to cheer me up. He's one of the few people I can stand to be around anymore for any real length of time. Is that bad? Probably. I honestly don't care.

And..... Yeah. Can't think of what else to write, so... here's just a funny that makes me giggle every time I see it.

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