Saturday, October 8, 2011

Day 28

So I didn't really feel like posting today, but since I haven't in the past few days, I figured I should at least post something. So here's today's oh-so-lovely events so far.

Went to the shelter this morning to help clean. We needed an extra body, and since somebody bailed on me, I invited R to go. He showed up shortly before we finished, so we went to lunch after to discuss visit stuff for Boogie. Then, he had the nerve to ask me to wait until he'd left with the boys (who, at the time, were home with my family so they could see them for the first time in weeks) before I went home because he had to hurry and leave. He didn't want to upset the boys by having them see me, and then have to leave so soon after.

Now, I know that probably should make sense, but I haven't seen Bear in a few weeks now, and I've seen Boogie once this week - and that did not go well. So, needless to say, I had to catch myself from slapping him when he asked that. I hate that he's like this. I hate this whole situation. I hate him!

I'm trying to be strong through all this, but it's so frigging impossible sometimes. I don't really have anyone I can talk to that really understands; and I hate "burdening" people with my shit anyway, so even those who would understand probably won't hear from me either.

But I'm fucking determined to get over this shit, over his shit, and just plain over him. Thank god for sites like this that are good for a laugh, if nothing else. It's always good to know you aren't the only jaded cunt in the world. (Yes. I said the "c-word". Not the first or last time, I assure you.) And, of course, I've got my "Fuck you" playlist I'm working on.

So, basically, I'm going to do the whole angsty thing for a while. If for no other reason than to be actually be a little selfish. Hell, I'm accused of it all the time, why not actually do it for a change, right? 

So, R. Just for today, this is just for you. 

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