Thursday, February 16, 2012

Day 157: Clearance chocolate

So, I was going to post this yesterday, but I got really sick before I could. I started off okay, but around noon or so, I started feeling pretty rough; and it just went downhill from there. My stomach was hurting too badly for me to eat anything, so my sugar dropped- a LOT - which didn't help when the fever came on. So I ended up literally passing out. I don't really know how long I was out. Just that when I woke up, Monkey was force-feeding me crackers, chocolate, and gatorade.

Apparently, I was running around 103.6 (found this out later) when he got home, so he made me take some children's Triaminic (I'm hyper sensitive to meds) which brought the worst of it down, but it all came back later that night.

Thankfully, though, I'm a little better today. The fever's gone at least. I still feel really drained, though. Which sucks, cause Boogie's home; but he's been my big helper today. Playing quietly and checking on me now and then. "You okay mommy?" I have the coolest kid ever.


Anyway, to get to the theme for today. As we all know, Valentines was earlier this week. One word: yuk. I never have been and never will be a fan of Valentine's day. I think it's overrated and nothing more than another Hallmark holiday. The only thing I look forward to is the chocolate that goes on clearance the day after. I was surprised to find out that a couple of my friends were into it; but luckily, the one person it applied to hates it as much as I do. So while it's nice and all to do something sweet and lovely for your valentine, I think it's better to show them everyday how much they mean to you, instead of just one.


In other news: I had an audition for one of the local Burlesque troupes Monday. I couldn't get my costume ready in time to do a dance, so I opted to just sing instead. I did my face up all nice and pretty :

As well as my hair! I even had a cute little outfit on, but I didn't get any pictures of that, unfortunately. I thought I did a pretty crap job of it because I let my nerves get the best of me. I was way too quiet and I almost fell off of my shoes. So I'd pretty much resigned myself to trying again next time...

Then, while I was at work Tuesday morning, I got the message that they actually wanted me to perform with them!! I was so excited, I started squealing like a toddler and scared the hell out of my boss and our supplier rep. It was kind of funny, honestly. They were looking at me like I was completely mad.

So, we start rehearsals for the show on Monday, and I can't wait! I'm still really nervous, in all honesty, but I'm really looking forward to it. This is going to be awesome!

As always, though. I've got to remember to not get ahead of myself, breathe, and take things One Day at a Time.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Day 152: Bitch, please.

So.... I normally try to be a kind person. I don't really enjoy being mean. I prefer to just be the laid back, cool, relaxed chick. ...

However! Once in a blue moon (as in, once a month or so) I hit full on bitch mode. Which, honestly, wouldn't be so bad if I were just a bitch; but no. I become uber-bitch. Just completely cunt-tastic. My patience with stupidity is nil. So, naturally, it just has to come around.

Last night, I received a message on FB from the Raven (the chick R rebounded with; long story. I'll explain later). So....

So this is everything that's happened so far:

Raven:    Kinda weird to be messaging you considering everything that's happened. But have recently been told you were wondering how I was doing?

Me:     Um... not...really.... Haven't given you much thought to be honest. I've got other stuff on my mind.Though, for the record, you look just like [The Cat] in your profile pic.

Raven:     I thought so. When I was told that I thought it was a little weird and wanted to ask. And I understand. What woman doesn't have alot on their mind. lol. And come on you know I'm prettier than [the Cat], I don't look too much like her fat ass other than hair color. Plus I'm not psycho like her.

Me:     That-all of it- could be up for debate. Personally, I'd put you two on relatively equal ground. [R]seemed to.
If I gave a shit about you, you'd know. As it is, I don't.

Raven:     Well I was just curious, and wanted to ask about it. It was just random, and out of the blue. And he kinda put all three of us on equal ground, considering everything that has happened. Though that is now the past and I am not going to be affected by it any longer. I only pray that he and the boys find happiness one day.

Me:     Spare the lines. I'm not interested in hearing it.
As it is, neither you nor Cat-bitch will ever compare to me, that's why you were the rebounds.
I noticed you changed your picture. Gee, I wonder why.

Like I said. When bitch mode comes out, it is OUT. As I've been told before, and I'm sure will be told again, "Ginger bitch don't play." Was I too mean? Probably. Do I care? Not remotely. I only have so much patience with a person, and she exhausted it a long time ago; but that's a story for another day.

It's not even as if it's a bad day, though. I've actually had a pretty good morning. I'm just... Gr. I'm on my period and I don't have a lot of patience for stupidity on a normal day; so when I'm like this, it's just that much worse. I just want to look at someone and do the whole, "Come at me, bitch," thing. Immature? Probably. Stupid? Definitely. Worth it? More than likely.


In other news, I've got a job interview Tuesday afternoon. Yay!

I've got my audition Monday night. I've decided I'm going to do two pieces. I'm going to sing and dance. The surprise will be the show. I'm keeping the rest of it hush, hush for now. I'm really excited about it, though. I can't wait.

Let's see.... anything else of note? .... Ah.

Trying to introduce Monkey to some of the old classic films. We started watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes the other night, but we never finished it. We were supposed to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's last night, but there was a lot going on, so.... it didn't get seen either.

So, I'm still working on it with him, but.... we'll see.

I can't wait to get Boogie this Sunday. I'm trying to see about getting him into a day care, but I need his social, which I don't have and his birth certificate is going to take forever to get here. Gotta love freaking Mississippi. I've literally sent off for his birth certificate no less than three times, and still have yet to get it. This is the last time I mail off for it before I call down and get Bitchy. So... Fingers crossed.

In the meantime, as always, I'll just go One Day At A Time.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 148: Pack Mentality

So, the other night while I was watching the Super Bowl with everyone, I couldn't help but realize that it felt nice to be part of a family again. I haven't been in far too long.

It felt odd to acknowledge it like that, but... it felt good. I like it. I mean, I know they said I was part of the family now, but... I actually realized it then. With everyone there, laughing, having a good time, and cutting up together. It was a nice change. It's not really like it's anything new by now, honestly but it's a much better change of pace. For the first time since... since Kao passed, I feel like I really belong somewhere.

I always feel better in a pack. As odd as that may sound. I'm a bit of a solitary pack animal, in all honesty. I prefer being with a pack, but I enjoy my privacy just as much. I like being able to be included, but I don't want to constantly be bombarded with people, people, people.

At the end of the day, I like being able to relax and cuddle up with someone/thing warm to enjoy some quiet time.

Speaking of, I could totally use some. Soon.

Especially since I finally met Monkey's mother yesterday. I wasn't a particular fan of hers to begin with, from everything I'd been told about her; but I'm not too worried about it, since she doesn't seem to think too highly of me either. Surprise! Not that I particularly blame her, but it was kind of funny, considering she kept giving me the "You're just a slutty firecrotch!" look. Monkey was thrilled.


In other news:

It's odd how much things have changed since R and I separated.

I found out in December that I'm related to one of my regular couples from work (through marriage). Well, I hadn't seen them since this particular discovery was made. Until yesterday.

They're normally very kind to me. Boogie and their daughter aren't very far apart in age, so we'd talk about them, or just about whatever else. Yesterday, though, they were really standoffish. Well, the wife was anyway. The husband was still pretty friendly, but a lot quieter than normal. His wife just gave me the same look I've gotten used to getting from the rest of his family, though. The Snub; sinc, naturally, I'm just so much less than them, so far as they're concerned.

It wouldn't have bothered me so much, I think, if it weren't for the fact that I've known them for years. They've been coming to the restaraunt longer than I've been working there. So I've known them for a while now. Yet, all of a sudden, they're going to start acting like that, because of - no doubt - what they were told by R's family. It just.... It's infuriating.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but there's really nothing to be done about it. If she chooses to feel that way about me, then there's nothing I can do, except be as kind to them as I've always ever been. Maybe one day things will turn around, but in the meantime, I'll just remain the best person I can.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Day 145: Acclimating

Alright kids. So, I promise - yet again - I'll try to make sure I'll be on more often for my updates. "Try" being the operative word, there.

So I'm still getting used to things here at the new place. I don't feel as awkward around everyone. I still feel like the odd duck out, though. They're all into hunting - or "harvesting" as Monkey insists is the term - and I'm definitely NOT. For example, right now - literally - they're watching some DVD about Bowfishing. Which really wouldn't bother me, normally if it were just fish, but they were just showing them getting Manta and Stingrays as well as a Snapping Turtle. It was horrible!! The poor Rays were trying so hard to get away, and the Turtle didn't even have a chance. They caught it through the head, but didn't manage to actually KILL it with the hoook.

I'm not naive. I'm well aware that, for food, something has to die. That's just the way it works. Whether it's a plant or an animal, circle of life goes one way. Birth. Death. I get it. I just don't necessarily agree with it.

I feel like such a wuss, sitting here with all of them. They're all watching it, and they're okay; but I'm having to stop myself from crying here. Mostly because of the turtles. The poor things...

I mean, I now it's their thing, and I don't fault them for it at all. They enjoy it, and that's fine. I just.... I can't do it. At all.

Nope. Not happening. No thanks. Like I just explained to them. It's the thought of hurting and killing something. I just can't do it. I'm a healer not a hunter.


Soooo.... what else? What else? Hmmm.... Not much, really.

Still haven't found a new job, but I'm - obviously - going to keep looking. Wish me luck, right?

Didn't do anything for Imbolc after all. Nothing official, anyway. I was feeling a little down, though, so I lit up some candles and used them as my only light while I took a long, hot, relaxing shower. It was awesome. I wasn't really thinking about the day, though. It wasn't until ... about 5 minutes ago that I even put two and two together.


Oh, also, I've got an audition for one of the local Burlesque troops here on the 13th. I'm really excited! I have a concept, and the music (which I still have to put on a tape/CD), and an idea for the costume. Now I just have to put it all together.... in a little over a week.... Le` Sigh.

Again, Wish me Luck.

In the meantime, I'll just do as I do. One Day At A Time.

Today's Haha picture: