Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 148: Pack Mentality

So, the other night while I was watching the Super Bowl with everyone, I couldn't help but realize that it felt nice to be part of a family again. I haven't been in far too long.

It felt odd to acknowledge it like that, but... it felt good. I like it. I mean, I know they said I was part of the family now, but... I actually realized it then. With everyone there, laughing, having a good time, and cutting up together. It was a nice change. It's not really like it's anything new by now, honestly but it's a much better change of pace. For the first time since... since Kao passed, I feel like I really belong somewhere.

I always feel better in a pack. As odd as that may sound. I'm a bit of a solitary pack animal, in all honesty. I prefer being with a pack, but I enjoy my privacy just as much. I like being able to be included, but I don't want to constantly be bombarded with people, people, people.

At the end of the day, I like being able to relax and cuddle up with someone/thing warm to enjoy some quiet time.

Speaking of, I could totally use some. Soon.

Especially since I finally met Monkey's mother yesterday. I wasn't a particular fan of hers to begin with, from everything I'd been told about her; but I'm not too worried about it, since she doesn't seem to think too highly of me either. Surprise! Not that I particularly blame her, but it was kind of funny, considering she kept giving me the "You're just a slutty firecrotch!" look. Monkey was thrilled.


In other news:

It's odd how much things have changed since R and I separated.

I found out in December that I'm related to one of my regular couples from work (through marriage). Well, I hadn't seen them since this particular discovery was made. Until yesterday.

They're normally very kind to me. Boogie and their daughter aren't very far apart in age, so we'd talk about them, or just about whatever else. Yesterday, though, they were really standoffish. Well, the wife was anyway. The husband was still pretty friendly, but a lot quieter than normal. His wife just gave me the same look I've gotten used to getting from the rest of his family, though. The Snub; sinc, naturally, I'm just so much less than them, so far as they're concerned.

It wouldn't have bothered me so much, I think, if it weren't for the fact that I've known them for years. They've been coming to the restaraunt longer than I've been working there. So I've known them for a while now. Yet, all of a sudden, they're going to start acting like that, because of - no doubt - what they were told by R's family. It just.... It's infuriating.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but there's really nothing to be done about it. If she chooses to feel that way about me, then there's nothing I can do, except be as kind to them as I've always ever been. Maybe one day things will turn around, but in the meantime, I'll just remain the best person I can.

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