Sunday, September 18, 2011

Popping the Cherry

So... This, I suppose, is my first post on my Big-girl blog. I honestly don't know what to write. I can already warn you, there are going to be a lot of posts that are going to sound so emo, you'll get sick of me, but on that same token, there'll probably be a lot that sound like I'm on drugs. The good kind. I wish.

I'm only 20, but I already have a 2 year old son that I adore. He's got that perfect blend of both his father's and my looks. Mine are subtler, but they're there if you know what you're looking for. ... There are days I hate that. His father and I are about to go through a divorce. I'm hoping he won't file for full custody, but he says he will. I can't really blame him. I screwed up. Big time.

I suffer from bi-polar disorder. Normally, I can keep it in check; but when I get stressed out (translation: whenever I deal with ex) it can get out of hand. Throw in my own tendency for self-punishment that would make the members of Opus Dei jealous. It gets a little nuts.

So, Wednesday, Ex and I were having another of our famous arguments and I finally snapped. I drove ten hours to the coast with the intention of killing myself, but, thankfully, I got a phone call from just the right person. I'm sure there'll be more to come on him later. He's kinda the basis for a lot of my smut. (Yes, I'm one of those too.)

So, now, I have to focus on getting better for my son. Part of me is so pissed off at all of this, but the logical side of myself knows I need it. It's still hard though, knowing that I'll hardly get to see my son from now on. And that's where this blog comes in, I guess. Just somewhere for me to record all of my angry, hurt, over-emotional, bitchy, spastic, snarky thoughts that I won't get to say in "real" life.

Obviously, it won't ALL be like that, but... well, you know what I mean. Just... be prepared for a lot of cussing. I grew up in a NAVY household. Sarcasm, bullshit, and swearing are three languages I'm FLUENT in.

I guess we'll just see where this goes.

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