Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day 136: Ho-lee bawls.

So, I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd last been on here to update you guys. A lot has happened in the last month. I now get to see Boogie week by week, since R finally realized that would be easier for him. Granted, R is still insisting on being a complete douche-face. Go figure.

Also, I had to move out of my parents' place. My mother and I got into a huge argument after I busted my sisters for stealing my things. Including money from my wallet. My parents refused to see what was going on though, and refused to admit it was a problem, which was just irritating as all get out. There was a lot of other stuff involved, of course, but I'll leave out the gory details. Suffice it to say, the stealing was the last straw.

So now I'm living with some of Monkey's friends, out in the middle of nowhere. It's not too bad, since there's plenty of room, but, unfortunately, there's not a lot to do. We're about twenty minutes away from everything; and I'm already looking for a new job, since I'm about thirty minutes away from Work.

On the whole, though, I enjoy it here. My Roommates are pretty cool, though I still worry that I may come off as a little snobby, since I'm so quiet around them. I try no to be, but they've all known each other for years, and I'm still getting used to them. So it's still taking some time to warm up to them. I like them, though. I'm definitely getting an education while I'm here, that's for sure.


Anyway, yesterday, I was having kind of a rough day morning. I was looking for some baby shower gifts for my roommates, and couldn't help but think about all the times R and I went looking  for baby stuff for Boogie. It was a little beyond depressing. So, I did the whole "poor - me" thing for a minute, but then I caught a hold of myself and I was okay. I just had to refocus my thoughts. SO, my little mantra for all of yesterday, and I think for all of my weak moments like that is this:

I am stronger than all of this. I am stronger than I think I am. I am not my emotions. I am above them. I am above the pain. Above the self-loathing. I am myself. I am strength.

Oddly enough, it helped.


In other news.... Hmm.... Is there really any other news? ............. I don't believe so.

Oh yeah. Trying to get more in touch with my pagan side. To really explore my beliefs and some of the rituals and practices that go along with it. I may set up a small altar here in my room, but I'll have to check with the others first to make sure they're okay with it. If nothing else, I can keep my supplies in one of the drawers. We still have plenty of room, so it's entirely possible. I would like to do something for Imbolc, but I don't know if they would be okay with it, so I guess it's on hold for right now.

If nothing else, I may just have a small candle-ceremony. Nothing formal or ornate. Just something small to celebrate the coming of spring.

If any of you have any tips, they'd be much appreciated. In the mean time, I'm going to figure out how to build up this altar.

For now, my darlings, I bid you adieu, and I will - hopefully - remember to speak with you again soon. Be good, my lovelies, and - as always - take things One day at a time.

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